Thread: Mono People.
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
Hi Bluebird,

I am curious: what ARE your new mono guy's motivations? Why would a mono person choose to date someone who is already in two relationships already? I could understand if he happened to meet you and fell for you, but if you met online and your profile was clear...I am puzzled and curious, if you don't mind sharing.
Not to answer for Bluebird, (and this is not directed only to you, Meera, but just adding to the conversation)... but I think that just because someone feels that monogamy is right for them does not mean that they automatically want the traditional storybook type of totally entwined relationship. For example, they might not have a lot of personal time to devote to being with someone, even though they want something committed, and so it seems like it can work for them. Or they may simply find that something feels right and compelling about moving forward with another person even if the situation is unfamiliar and perhaps seems strange to them. A person who has always been monogamous can still be open-minded enough and willing to look at new ways to be committed in a relationship with someone.

Before I embraced poly for myself, I was monogamous my whole life, and really had only met three people in my 50 years who were into some form of ethical non-monogamy. BUT quite a number of the monogamous people I'd known still approached their relationships non-traditionally for the most part, whether it was managing something very long-distance, having lots more autonomy and independence than most, or even acknowledging to their partner that they had other attractions although they would never act on them, or whatever - they just happened to be monogamous as well.

Polyfolk haven't cornered the market on progressive thinking about relationships. Just had to say that! Jeez, I've known some monofolk who were a hell of a lot more laid-back and accepting of alternative views on relationships than some of the so-called "poly couples" that come here searching for "their third" with their lists of rules and specifications on how to do that.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 12-05-2013 at 04:30 AM.
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