Thread: A Dilemma
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Old 03-31-2010, 01:51 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by jv02vd View Post
I'm planning on telling her how I feel. Me being a monogamous sort though, it feels weird "confessing" to a girl in a relationship, even an open one, and especially if that can't help but carry the message that I'm asking her if she wants to leave him for me. I don't know how poly people approach other poly people, or how they approach non-poly people, and I thought that might be something good to find out as it's the part of this that I least understand.
Well, this is a bit of a red flag for me. I struggle that you would be approaching her to ask her to be monogamous with you. I would suspect that the answer would be no. I would hate to see you set yourself up for that likelihood at this point. It sounds like you need to work on feeling more strong and sure of the stability of your mental health before moving forward to have any relationship that you would want to be successful for the long haul, let alone a relationship with her.

I think that also you may want to look at doing your best to understand what it means to be poly so that you can at the very least accept that she is. There are some huge differences in approach to relationships. It isn't necessarily as easy as shutting oneself off from the possibility of more love in ones life, in the form of other lovers, when one decides to try out a monogamous relationship.
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