Originally Posted by EpsilonLyr
As for Leigh, we had another fight. Then I get this text which should explain exactly what we fought about: "Please understand my frustration. Wanting to be close to you and achieving that last night was a great feeling. Waking up this morning and being told that you want to be affectionate with someone else is basically a slap in my face. Everything I know about our relationship has been uprooted since Saturday..."
I know this is like clockwork in these situations, it's just not so easy to face when it's... well, in your face. Go figure. And now I feel like I've lost them both. How the hell does a person juggle two vulnerable relationships like this???? I want them both in my life, but that's not 100% up to me and never was. Feeling lost.
Opening a long term relationship is not easy, even with a progressive partner (who does not naturally identify as poly) and strong communication and conflict resolution skills.
My personal approach would be to take things slowly and focus on stabilizing the relationship that you have invested so many years in already. The new relationship with Anne may not work out in the long run if it even ever becomes anything at all. The relationship with your wife, I assume from your other posts, has a great value to you. Work with her, giver her time to come to terms with and accept what it is you are asking her to do. Baby steps.
Even once you get there and she is okay with having an open marriage, things may not be easy on her. I can tell you from personal experience that, after opening a marriage, having a partner start a new and fairly serious relationship is hard...and I am the one who started off with the poly tendencies!! (New and unknown is scary, no matter who you are!)
Do your best to be compassionate and understanding of where she is. Comfort her, reassure her, and fulfill her needs within your relationship. If you are starting up something new that wont be easy for you due to NRE, and that will just make things that more difficult on your wife.
It sounds like you two have what it takes to succeed at this. Just focus on the basics - open, honest communication that focuses on the needs and wants of the all parties involved.