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Old 03-30-2010, 01:13 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by confidence View Post
CielDuMatin - Welllll...I think I should have been more clear. He has actually said those exact words to me, although not in response to a question. In some of our conversations he has said he does not like me being so free with other people because it makes him see me as "slutty". But you're right. It would be wise to have that be part of our conversation as well because I need to know exactly what his issue is.
Yes, and then you have the opportunity to follow up on:

1. How, exactly, he sees this as "slutty".
2. Why he feels it necessary to judge you in this way.
3. Is he really worried about what he thinks, or is he worried about what everyone else might think?
4. Whether he is really willing to accept you, respect you and love you for who you are, or whether he wants you to be some ideal of his that isn't really who you are.

I think something that is important is that this time around (as opposed to when we had first got together and I was much more green) is that I take a harder line on this kind of thing. While I don't want to say, "That's your problem if you think that I am slutty", I feel like it is important for me to stand up for myself and express that regardless of his negative feelings, this is important to me. Am I being too uncompromising in that?
No, you don't need to compromise your viewpoints or stance in any way, but I would strongly caution you against using language like "it's your problem", even if you feel that it is. If it is getting in the way of the two of you having a good relationship then it is a shared problem which the two of you can work together on to find some resolution.

The trick to me is to dig deeper in terms of how he feels - why is this important to him, what does he think it means, stuff like that.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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