Originally Posted by london
Just because someone doesn't want to meet their metamours, it doesn't make it a DADT. Not wanting to meet your metamours doesn't mean you won't be civil to them when they come to your paramours bday party either. Some people just have no interest or need to formally meet their metamour or spend time with them.
Yes, that's true, but I was getting wordy and using it in a nice loose way as in this case the gf and ex had one, and I've seen people have DADT that range from no mention of other partners at all and lying about where you are going to be that night, to minimalizing mention of, and avoiding addressing that other parties are romantic or sexual partners and refusing to meet them.
I'm not clear in this case the ex is willing to meet in a social setting. I consider a brief introduction of 15 seconds at a social situation to be
meeting however, and that would tick my box. Having been ignored "civilly" at a couple of social situations by the partner of a friend and a metamour in the last few years, it's just clarified how important it is to me that people are willing to be say hi or nod in greeting if they are 5 feet from me, and not pretend I'm not there if they are uncomfortable. I had no idea how fucking awkward that would be until it actually happened, never expected it, and I know for me at least, it isn't workable in the future.
Sounds quite feasible that not meeting the ex could be tolerable if the gf didn't vent or tell the OP about the issues she has with the ex though, I can do compartmentalized if its actually compartmentalized, but not if things are bleeding over into my relationship like that.