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Old 12-03-2013, 04:10 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
My gf is mono. It scares me. I am starting to wonder if she will ever accept who I am. She puts up with the fact I'm w my bf and has recently put forth more effort to be friends w him. But I know if she had her choice I'd be mono. Her brain just isn't wired like mine and being with multiple people doesn't make sense and isn't a want or need of hers. But she "does it bc she loves me." I am in no way keeping her captive here. I believe people should have the freedom to live their life to their liking. It's confusing for me to wonder if she will truly accept and be okay with my desire and I should stay patient, or if we are just fundamentally different in the way we view love.
It is possible to remain fundamentally different in how you love, yet still find acceptance.

I'm mono, but I love my partner to pieces. I understand that this is how he loves, even if I don't grok it for myself (and have no desire to have additional romantic relationships). It's work, certainly. We have all compromised in this relationship - he wanted more of a "family poly" model, where we're all close to him, and I really don't want that (hell, I didn't even want a roommate when I moved out after my divorce). I'm not a compersive person - the closest I get is "I'm glad you had a good time". Yet, we still have put in the work and self-introspection to get to a point where things are running mostly smoothly, and I am happy in my relationship with P.

You're right - she isn't held captive by you, and I do reassure P of that from time to time. That I am in this relationship by choice, and it's worth it.

Good luck.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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