I am clear in my OKC profile that I am married and have a boyfriend. And that I am searching for a third. It's all up front. I get a lot of garbage because of that (messages asking me DTF? And calling me a whore) but I think it helps to have it there. So far I have only had two possibilities that I've actually gone out with that were identifying as mono. One was a douchebag that I would have pepper sprayed if I had some to use, and the other I am now embarking on a real relationship with (I hope). His plan is to remain mono with me and see how it goes. My husband is mono with me, so I am ok with that, but I do worry about the new guy turning cowboy. So far he has been very proactive with asking questions and talking about how he sees things moving forward. I haven't gotten that vibe yet. We have only been dating for a couple weeks though, and we have been intimate once. *shrugs*
I absolutely don't want to be someone's "experiment" with non monogamy. I get a lot of messages from guys who are "willing to try it" and those get deleted. Just the way they word things, it is clear they will dump me in a hot minute once they meet a girl who is willing to be monogamous. I want to be a viable relationship in my own right, not something they do to kill time, if that makes sense.
With my new potential, he has never given me any indications as of yet that this is his plan, and we have talked about it. He knows what my intentions are, andI think I understand his motivations, so it's all good.
My advice is to give those mono guys a chance, but don't be stupid about it.
That's how I am progressing, anyway.