Long time no see. Hope you all are doing well. I've been quite busy with the 5 kids and my own school studies. Well, here is an update.
We all managed to sit down and have a conversation. She had been doing much better and hadn't picked a fight for 2 months over the phone. While my hubby was home she only lost it once, but was iffy a few times. thankfully it didn't blow up like it usually does. So, the convo happened and she stated that she knows he is not as happy and joking around or as apt to laugh as freely when she is around. He seems to be unable to truly be him when she is in the room almost like she sucks all the joy from him, but she sees how he has all that with me around. She acknowledged she tends to fuss at him when he jokes around.
She stated she will work harder at not biting his head off at being silly as is his nature. She will work harder at being quiet and listening when he is trying to communicate his feelings and thoughts as I do.
He told her that he knows and feels like she truly does not care for him as she tries to proclaim she does and that she needs to listen to my advice on how to make him feel acknowledged and appreciated.
She stated that she does care for him but it is hard to care more for someone that she knows will not have anything to do with her if I were not in the picture. She states it is easier to care for me because I give her all the things he doesn't and isn't able to give her, i.e. compassion, understanding, "female stuff" as she calls it.
He told her that there is no relationship between him and her. They are friends with benefits but nothing more and that the relationship is between her and I not him and her. He stated he doesn't care if she is with me or wants to be with me, he wants me to be happy and wants her to be happy by having me provide her with everything emotional that he can't provide her. He wants her here cause of the kids and he stated he brought her here cause the kids needed a loving, stable home with at least 1 mom who is capable of caring for them. He will do what he needs to in order to ensure she is took care of and happy to keep her here because the kids need us both and need him. He hopes that she will stay because of her feelings for me.
I told them that I don't want her to go anywhere, yes she makes me frustrated because he does not and I do not deserve the treatment she doles out to us when she gets mad at him and it pushes me away at the moment, because I'm very protective of those I love but mainly those who are treated unfairly for something they didn't do wrong. I would get upset with him if he unfairly jumped on her case for something she didn't do wrong as well. but despite the frustration I do care for and love her and even if those 2 are not going to be together, then I still want to be with her.
He said that is okay with him.
So, I guess it has come down to those 2 are not together beyond a platonic friendship with benefits until she decides she wants to go be on her own or doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore at which point that ends. She and I are in a relationship together. So, now we have that sorted out I'm hoping this can work because maybe it is for the best for it to be that way so those 2 can get along and make for a happy home for the kids. They do have examples to see with loving relationship between her and I and a loving relationship between him and I. Hopefully the friendship between those 2 can help them learn to communicate better and resolve disagreements better so the kids can see how to be able to dissolve issues such as that. I know they have her and I as an example of that and him and I(although extremely rare as he and I agree with about 95% of things). I feel to have a 3rd example will help them further to know and learn how to resolve arguments in a manner that is beneficial for all involved.
Long update, I know, but I rarely get much time to be on here to make them more frequent. I'm just glad something was figured out. It may not be what I was hoping it to be, but as long as it will be a way for all to be happy that is all that matters to me.