Originally Posted by WillSing
bookbug, again, I'm not talking straight logic. But let me thread the needle of my thought process just a bit for you. It's not that I couldn't lose her in a "closed" relationship. My past experiences have proven my ability to become single. My fear comes from inviting someone into what feels like a safe space and having to trust that they won't steal her away. That they won't undermind me and our relationship. That they are enlightened and want us to succeed. It feels a bit like letting the wolf into the hen house. Again, I'm not saying that everything I'm feeling is me at my best or pure logic. But it is based on some of my personal experiences.
So a "closed" relationship feels safer because there's just one person to deal with. Of course life is always messier and the devil is in the details.
That is not a completely illogical answer - which is why I asked the question, btw.
In opening up, you would have to trust in your gf's ability to manage more than one relationship. Has she thought about the practical application of doing so? The devil IS in the details. It is a lot more complicated than knowing she can love two people at the same time. The daily grind can be demanding, and because she is the hinge, a lot of responsibility would fall on her.
The other issue is trusting her not to choose some guy who is cowboy - someone looking to make a mono woman out of her. (Doesn't sound like she would be interested in that scenario given her history.)