There is nothing deviant about the desire to love more than one person. While some people truly function better in a mono relationship, others do not. However, the default societal view promotes monogamy. That said, I think the high divorce rate is testament to the idea that it is far from THE perfect configuration.
You have described well how you feel. I do not see anything mean or manipulative in your description - more just lost. We have all been taught through society and religion that monogamy is the only way. It's not. I would suggest you keep reading. There are lots of personal blogs on this site that describe others struggles and transitions into polyamory.
I won't kid you, it is work - a lot of work. It requires that you be honest with yourself and others. It requires excellent communication skills. And lots of patience.
But yes, you're okay.