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Old 12-01-2013, 03:51 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 661

Originally Posted by london View Post
I worked in an STD clinic, and I am a midwife. There are lots of people in that position. I was just pointing out that you actually know one of them.
No reflection on the person in question, but my point was, it would be foolish to base our health choices and the risks we take off of 'I know someone on the internet who said...." (Ever gone to a big foot forum or a UFO alien? )

The main issue I have with your statements is taking it to the level of calling others names for a) not seeing things as you do and b) making different choices than you would about whom to have sex with. There are lots of people out there who know STDs quite well, who are certainly not ignorant, as you like to call people, who call herpes 'highly contagious' or 'moderately contagious.' I have worked for 35 years in a field in which the experts argue endlessly about various issues. I know which side I come down on, but there is no need to call anyone 'ignorant.' They're not. They're also well-educated and respected in their field and they have come to different conclusions.

It is obnoxious and arrogant to call someone names over it, never mind to accuse someone of 'discrimination' and 'ostracizing' for....drum roll...not having sex with another person. It doesn't matter if it's only a 2.5% risk--no one is obligated to take that risk.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
It sounds like you need security and would like reassurance from your husband that your marriage is safe.
Under that assumption, let's shift focus from their behaviour to your husband's. When he had these whispers in his ear, did his interactions with you change? Did he become more distant? Did he treat you differently? Did he make accusations that were out of character?

If yes, then it's those behavioural changes that you may want to address. You can give concrete examples of how your relationship is being affected by the changes in his behaviour, and you can make requests for actions he could take to better meet your needs.
Very good questions.

I have been in a situation similar to Scarlet's with a SIL. I do feel that taking a stand, and letting another person know that you object to hearing your loved one badmouthed and accused of negative character traits is a reasonable ACTION request.

Did he defend you in any way? Did he tell her he doesn't want to hear those things about you?
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