Thread: Mono People.
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Old 12-01-2013, 02:09 PM
london london is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
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Originally Posted by Nadya View Post
Both my partners were "Didn't Even Knows" when I met them. Actually, I have not met any ethically non-monogamous people while dating and did not even know where to go to look for them. So the Noobs where my only possibility...

This has worked fine. CJ is cool with non-monogamy and has had some flings on the side - nothing serious as yet, but he is open for another partner. He had his growing pains in understanding what being poly means to me, but here we are happily together. It has taken a lot of communication from both sides, and there have been misunderstandings and false assumptions on the way. Still, I have read about much worse communication problems even on this site and between "poly" people...

With Mark the whole process has been easier. He declares to be mono, and he knew about my marriage from the very beginning. He has said that he does not want to break my marriage, and his behavior has been in line with his words. Well, sometimes he takes this to the extreme of not letting me know his wants and needs (if he thinks they conflict with "my well-being" or the wants and needs of CJ), but we are working on that. Assumptions, again...
This makes me feel more positive about loosening some of my restrictions. I'll also admit that I see real benefits in meeting someone who is considering polyamory for the first time because they are free of some of the influences and beliefs that come when people have had their own experiences and history with the relationship style. What I need to get over is how I kind of limit my "openness" with someone I feel might live up to my fear so i actually dont interact with them in the same way I would someone I know is cool with the poly thing. That, in itself, probably halts the chances of me building a relationship with a Noob or Didn't Even Know.
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