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Old 12-01-2013, 10:27 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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It must be scary to believe that another person has the capacity to end your marriage. It sounds like you need security and would like reassurance from your husband that your marriage is safe.

Originally Posted by scarletzinnia View Post
I am wondering, though, based on what I have written, would you say that my hubby's friend was trying to break us up?

I certainly feel she was trying to cause trouble between us, at minimum. I don't think she was a classic "cowgirl" in that she wanted to break us up so she could have a monogamous relationship with him. But do you think someone might ever try to break up a marriage out of sheer spite?
Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. For the sake of argument, let's assume that these women were attempting to sabotage your relationship.

Under that assumption, let's shift focus from their behaviour to your husband's. When he had these whispers in his ear, did his interactions with you change? Did he become more distant? Did he treat you differently? Did he make accusations that were out of character?

If yes, then it's those behavioural changes that you may want to address. You can give concrete examples of how your relationship is being affected by the changes in his behaviour, and you can make requests for actions he could take to better meet your needs. That way, you're not putting him in a tug-of-war between two women, but rather focusing on your own needs and feelings, and how his behaviours affect those.

But if his behaviours aren't changing because of what these women are saying, then maybe their sabotage attempts aren't as harmful as you perceive them to be. In that case, maybe you can learn to focus on the positives in your relationship and empathize with what the other women might be feeling and what their needs are, that causes them to behave the way they are. Maybe there are some actions you can take to sooth the situation. If you approach the other women on friendly terms, with the goal of finding solutions that work for everyone, rather than crossing enemy lines and trying to win the battle, you'll be more likely to find success.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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