Thread: Love Addiction
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Old 11-30-2013, 08:39 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,072

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Have you talked to a good therapist? These are very common issues that people have and the causes are generally related to how we were brought up relating to people.

I would avoid giving these common problems interesting and unsolvable titles like "love addiction". Most often the issues we are having are the same ones everyone else is having. Unfortunately the instinct is to want to have a special and difficult diagnosis to help explain why we can't seem to make any progress in getting past the problem.


I have to generally agree with Marcus. I think terms like love addiction or sex addiction are not useful in healing at all. (Addiction is real. However, applying that term indiscriminately is not helpful.) They are not helpful because they label the behavior without providing a way out. What are you supposed to do? Avoid love for the rest of your life? They can have the effect of hiding to yourself and others what the underlying issues really are for you while you desperately try to treat your 'addiction'. Please understand I am not minimizing the pain and distress you are feeling, or that you may have caused in others. But these broad, indeterminate labels may not help you in the long run.

A therapist can help you sort out underlying issues that are the root of your behavior. Once you have some understanding of why you behave and feel this way, that is a critical step to changing your thoughts and your behavior.

I also find there may be a gender assignment thing going on - women are more likely to label themselves or be labeled as having a love or relationship addiction while men are more likely to be labeled or label themselves as having a sex addiction. David J. Ley has a fascinating book called 'The Myth of Sex Addiction' which argues that sex addiction is not a real clinical term at all but one created in the popular culture. He also argues that while people have serious problems, labeling it as sex addiction ends up not helping them and reinforcing gender stereotypes - men can't truly control themselves, women don't really like sex, or, women who love sex are uncontrollable. I suggest giving it a read.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find the support and resources you need.
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