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Old 11-30-2013, 07:33 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Which actions?
  • With his (break up) actions? I think she's probably fine.
  • With his (assess ALL problems as "not important, not urgent") actions -- I think she is probably not fine.
If he broke up with her because of these things, that would seem to be an action which proves beyond any doubt that he assessed it as a legitimate issue. If that is not the reason for the break up then what was?

The issue doesn't seem to be that he isn't capable of responding appropriately to situations which are negative, the issue seems to be that he doesn't seem pissed off enough about it after the fact.

Not wanting to talk trash about someone is not a character flaw.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
She's had one of his past partners threaten her with violence. We don't know how that played out, but I'm sure it wasn't fun and games.

It seems recent, so she may need and could ask for extra reassurance from him for a while on that front before she can relax again. Nobody likes being threatened.
She didn't come in here talking about the fact that her hubby was dating someone who threatened to engage her in mortal combat... she mentioned that in passing simply to give her current issue more validity.

If it were fresh then I can only presume we'd be talking about THAT... which is an actually dangerous issue instead of the mild irritant of the current situation.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
So she's worried he's not a reliable judge of character at this time and she can't know if he's holding back critical info.
If someone chooses to date a person who they know is not bright enough or emotionally mature enough to not put themselves and everyone around them in danger then they'll get no sympathy from me.

I don't hold it against someone who wants to continue their association with a person who is essentially a mental child... but can they really complain when this person acts in accordance with their character?

Like the assault threat, this is not what the OP has discussed to date.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Then the problem is not him with lack of crayons... but them not having a shared standard.
That's why I suggest they could spent some time talking and figuring out a discernment tool and ultimately what their shared standard/boundaries will be.

An adult and calm conversation about this issue would seem to be a logical step. A conversation which does not include assumption of being correct, demands, or irrational frustration.

Good luck with that
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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