Something else to keep in mind:
We often think that we know this that or the other thing; but if we haven't actually lived through it, we can't know it. We can know ABOUT it. But we can't KNOW it.
That is a strong argument made in many arguments about racial discrimination.
But it's also true of other things. Like struggling with depression or other mental health issues. Struggling with physical health issues. Struggling through the loss of a child or a spouse/partner. Even having a partner versus having multiple partners.
My theoretical beliefs about poly and how I felt it *should* work in my life; were WHOLLY different than what turned out to ACTUALLY function in my life. Very much so. In my theories I wasn't taking into consideration the little technicalities of REALITY that alter a theory.
A theory is great as a kicking off point (we use them ALL OF THE TIME in science). But a theory is still ONLY A THEORY until it's been tested and proven to work.
The reality is that OFTEN theories turn out to be "great on paper but impossible to replicate in reality".
This is true of science and it's ABSOLUTELY the truth with relationships.