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Old 03-29-2010, 06:11 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305

Originally Posted by korindino View Post
...I feel so tertiary. I feel like an afterthought, like a booty call. We never make plans. He calls me up and asks me to come over, and when I do all he wants is for me to provide free labor for his business and then fuck him. He hasn't taken me out anywhere or made plans to do anything else with me in the month we've been seeing each other.

I know that sex is the ultimate expression for love in Alex's eyes. I know that when we have sex, he's trying to show me how much he cares. however, this view seems incredibly juvenile to me, and he is completely oblivious to the fact that being loved happens outside the bedroom, too.

All I asked for was a time-frame. And he couldn't even drop me a line sometime during those three hours to let me know he was busy and wouldn't see me until later. I'm keeping my life on hold so I'm ready to see him when he calls me. And it pisses me off that this is what I have to do, just so I can spend time with my boyfriend.....
I saw that the two of you have talked and worked on some things, but I thought I had something that you might want to think about.

You don't have to allow this treatment. You have the right to say, "You know, I would like to see some loving behavior outside of the bedroom. I don't feel like sex right now, but I would love to spend some time doing (x)." Or, for those of us with high libido "Oh, yes, let's have lots of sex, but before/after that I would really like to do (x)." You are the only one who will consistantly stand up for you. Do some introspection, know what you really need, and ask for it.

Also, it bothered me that you said you had your whole life on hold. We have a tendency to forget that, while it's nice to be kind to people, we have the right to say no. If he does not call when he says he will, go about your business. If that means he can't reach you, then 1)maybe that consequence will help him understand that you have a life that you have a right to lead and he could be more considerate 2)maybe the frustration will help him make better plans in the future 3) maybe you won't be ***going crazy*** waiting for him to call and perhaps if he can get hold of you, you will be calmer and better able to enjoy your time talking to him.

(This last bit is actually from some parenting techniques I was taught, about allowing your children to learn the consequences of their actions. It really does help me be a calmer, more relaxed person.)
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