I was poly. Grew monogamish. Now believe I want mono.
Married Poly former partner. I still want to have him as a partner, but don;t know how to reconcile what I want for him & what I believe I want for myself.
I see two major hurdles to us ever being able to grow old together as partners.
While there are many other issues as well, these are the two big ones:
First major hurdle:
I left him because of feeling hurt and betrayed when he was not being clear to others of his intentions of platonic only, when he told me he wanted only myself and his wife, & how he was subsequently delayed and refused to reassure me by concretely and plainly telling other(s) until I forced the issue.
Feeling like unless he can ever understand how I feel hurt and betrayed by his actions/inactions on this, that this same scenario would play out over & over.
Second major hurdle:
Would it ever be possible to reconcile my wanting mono for myself and wanting a partner mono to me, yet at same time not wanting him to give up his wife or deny his poly nature.
I transitioned my journaling to online here
beginning the journal here with working through the communication to others hurts.
Any thoughts & suggestions and experiences are welcome.