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Old 03-29-2010, 03:47 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Confidence and thanks for sharing,

Originally Posted by confidence View Post
I feel like if I asked him the question you asked about why I need to live my love life by his standards, he would reply with something about the fact that he does not like to see me as "loose" or "slutty" and feels that is what my behavior is.
Well - From your postings it might seem that you two have somewhat different philosophies and lovestyles. The only way this won't continue to be a source of conflict will be if someone changes or you both become comfortable accepting (and loving) each other for who you are as individuals. We do this quite easily in other areas of our life but not so easy in the sex/love arena.

If it were me, I'd want to get to the bottom of whether this conflict in ideals (the Ivory Tower syndrome vs the Slut) is really rooted in fear and insecurity or just rigid idealism. I also would make a wee bit of room in my own (your) mind for the possibility that being too free with my love DOES carry some risks and there may be some justified fear there. I'd want to allow (but not prompt for) space for that fear to emerge and have a rational conversation about it.
Does that make sense ?

Originally Posted by confidence View Post
- I want to have a conversation with him about this sometime soon. Are there any suggestions on ways I might approach it? I want to avoid it getting too emotionally charged because it will take us off track but I also need to be firm (which I am not the best at). I was considering suggesting that he make an attempt for one month to allow me to conduct myself as I would ideally like to. I feel like it might be good for both of us in different ways. I would suggest this, of course, after a conversation and only if we got to the stage of figuring out how to fix things.
Well, it could start pretty simply and straightforward.

" Baby, we seem to have two different pictures of what living a poly life looks like. I'm fine with you building your own model that works for YOU. Can you be ok with me building my own model ? It's well documented that there is no "one way" to live poly except to be open & genuine. Can we do this ?"

Then see where the conversation goes.

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