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Old 11-29-2013, 05:33 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by scarletzinnia View Post
Good questions, Marcus. No, I am not looking for my husband to "despise" this person. Let me be a bit more clear.

She told him, completely unprovoked by any interaction we ever had with her, or that he told her about, that I was abusive, controlling, and that he deserved better. He does not understand that was an attack on me and my character. He does not see that she was trying to cause trouble in our marriage at all. He does not see that she was likely angry at him too, for sexually rejecting her. He wants to see her as some well-meaning person who was just "upset."
Not to put too fine a point on it, but she's entitled to her opinion, and he's entitled to responding to her opinion however he chooses.

If hearing about the details about his relationships is distressing to you then I suggest you let him know that you don't want to hear those kinds of details anymore. "Honey, if one of your girls thinks I'm a nasty old bag, please feel free to not pass that information on"

Originally Posted by scarletzinnia View Post
I am very sensitive to this because someone he dated in the distant past threatened me with bodily harm, and he reacted the same way. "She didn't mean it, she was just upset."
I recommend keeping the conversations distinct so that you don't have an emotional snowball kind of reaction. Lumping a threat of violence together with someone saying they don't like you is just going to muddy the waters.

If someone doesn't like you, that's a non-issue.
If someone threatens to attack you... call the police.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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