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Old 03-29-2010, 05:22 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by confidence View Post
my "okayness" with the relationships not necessarily being long term material. This includes a situation where he essentially veto-ed someone I was very much in love with, which damaged both of us as well as the relationship.

I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong here, he's in the wrong here, or if we're just fundamentally incompatible. I'm hoping some fresh eyes can give me some insight into this and maybe advise me of a next step. I want to preserve it but I'm starting to feel like it could be a dead end.
I try not to see people as being "in the wrong" when it comes to how they're feeling. Whether or not his position makes you incompatible seems to depend on whether or not he's prepared to change some of his unrealistic requirements.

The things I highlighted above seemed like contradictory behaviour. He vetoed someone that you actually were in love with, which could have actually developed into a longterm relationship.

His veto sounds like it came from insecurity and fear. That pattern is likely to continue, vetoing anyone who comes along whom he feels threatens his relationship with you.

If you both want to stay in this relationship, you need to be honest with each other about what your needs are and whether or not they are compatible. It sounds like you need to be free to date the people you want at the speed you feel is appropriate. There's a lot of discussion on this forum about primary partners dictating the speed at which other relationships can develop, some of that may be helpful to you.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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