Thanks for sharing your perspective, wildflower. I haven't connected with many people on this forum who have decided to open up their lives to raising children, so it's really good to hear from you.
No doubt I'll be sharing that storyline on here as time goes on
One somewhat unrelated thing on my mind at the moment is not exactly new, and I've shared aspects of it from time to time on this blog. But, ah, that's a refrain for you. It keeps coming back.
Ocean has no sexual libido at the moment. Like, zero. We were shifting things in the house around (since I've moved back in) and he said "shouldn't we put the condoms somewhere near the bed?" and my first thought was "really? why? Not like we're going to use them." It's not an angry attitude on my part. Just, aware of the reality. I've (mostly) made peace with it.
Ocean is comfortable in not wanting to be sexual. The thought of sex bores him. He's happy that I have other people I can be sexual with, so I don't bother him. All good, right?
The tricky aspect for me is the fact that he's admitted that it is possible
that he'd feel pressure to make more of an effort to be sexual with me, if I did not have other sexual partners. Not that this pressure is a good thing. Maybe it's simply good, without qualifications, that we don't have this twisted sex life where he feels obliged to behave sexually with me because we are sexually monogamous. I'd like to believe that is true. And I almost am convinced of it. But part of me is not sure!
I really miss sex with Ocean. I miss sex with him
. He knows this, but he feels like it's not that big a problem. Cos we're close (very close) in other ways. And he's correct, I don't feel a lack of love or intimacy or closeness. But I do feel a niggle. Quite possibly it's something I need to get rid of within myself (the niggle). I mean, much as I'd love if he would prioritise the sexual aspect of our relationship, I do need to understand it's his right not to. And at this stage, it's not something I need
, though it is something that I want.
On the other hand, I fear that me establishing a status quo where I have sex with other people, and not Ocean, will mean that he has no impetus for changing. And maybe I will become fully comfortable with this situation... which would possibly mean a continuing non-sexual relationship.
Which begs the question: why is it a problem? Why is not having sex
really a problem?