Booklady made me think I should give a little up date.... as inspiration to her and hopefully others.
So I decided that the way to make change in my relationship with my parents was to call them once a week and if possible arrange to see them once a week. We seem to of worked this out to be for Sunday afternoon tea. My parents are Welsh and this suite them fine. "Tea" has always bonded us together. It is a memory from my childhood that has carried us into the present as a good and relaxing time together.
The other thing I have been doing is to make plans with them that are inspired by us rather than them. It seems that if they make the plans then if we need to change them or have our own agenda for whatever reason that they become controlling and sometimes unreasonable. It's almost as if, when we make the plans, we are the hosts to the occasion and what we say goes and therefore they feel they can sit back and we will take care of things... does that make sense?
Anyway, today I called my mum as it's the end of the week and this is the day I call. I asked what the plan is for Easter, if any, to which she replied there isn't one. My brother isn't coming to visit from out of town, so it will just be us in town. I suggested we have a potluck supper next Sunday for Easter. My mum asked where... I said that it depended if Mono was welcome at their house an my mum said with a shrugging kind of voice, "sure, what the heck."
bingo, she is giving up her fight little by little.
It will be the first time he has been to there house since last August. Really, what is the point of her holding on to her arguments, he isn't going away. My relationship with her is recovering to a point where we do not discuss thing that trigger us, but at least can be in each others lives...