I spent 6 months feeling alone, while I continued to lovingly be AVAILABLE to my husband.
I helped find him an apartment that was appropriate in size and cost so that our children could spend time with him at will.
I bought groceries and stocked his cupboards while he was working overtime to cover expenses for both homes.
I bought him towels/shower curtain, comforter in "guy color/designs" so that his apartment was comfortable and not "me" like.
I answered when he called. I didn't lose my temper or freak out when he did.
I said I love you even though he was telling me all the reasons he hated me.
I left the door unlocked so he could enter at will as I always had.
When he snuck into my room and curled up next to me at 4am in tears, I silently held him until he snuck back out to go to work.
I loved him every moment he was filling out divorce paperwork because I cheated on him (I didn't know what poly was-I only knew I loved two men and couldn't reconcile the issue).
When given the option of signing the document that would finalize the separation of his retirement in half-I (with no request from him) told his lawyer that I wanted the document that if I signed would give him his retirement in full. In fact, I had to ARGUE for it because his lawyer knew I had been a sahm for the entire marriage-and the law here says it's 50/50 anyway.
When push came to shove he couldn't bring himself to actually FILE the paperwork for divorce. I didn't make demands, I didn't do anything except love him and take care of myself and the kids.
He returned. Still hurt, still angry, still confused. A few years go by. We spend endless heartbroken hours talking about the fact that I DO love both of them. GG moves out, GG moves back in etc.
Finally-I find this board and I write him a letter in September telling him about Polyamory-asking him to look at hte board and telling him I have to be real for myself. That I will love him ALWAYS and that I don't want him to leave. But that AS ALWAYS whatever his choice is-I will respect and honor his needs.
He's here, learning, struggling, finding out about me....
If you had asked him (or me) we would have told you -that this marriage was going to end in divorce, and that HE would leave me because I was "poly" (not using that owrd since we didnd't know it).
"Love As Thou Wilt"