First of all I have to say they are inconsiderate.. I would remove them from my life if that was me.
I believe being honest is key to a successful poly relationship. Communication can be done to death. There are somethings that can remain private. For example I do not share the nitty gritty of my relationships with my other partner.
I do not know who declared ethical slut as the Polyamory Bible. Guess what never have read it. Have no need to read it.
Honestly there is nothing wrong with saying hey my home is my safe zone. I do not need my ex under my nose and requesting they carry their relationship on elsewhere.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.