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Old 11-27-2013, 01:39 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,555

Welcome, Csmarie. There is a ton of information on this board about raising kids in a poly situation. There are many ways to do it, it depends on the individuals involved. Do a tag search on "kids and poly."

You seem to be a "secondary" to your couple, and you're buying into the idea of being lesser, an interloper in "their relationship." You're not in THEIR relationship, you're in your own relationship with her, with him, and with the 3 of you plural as a unit. Same goes for them.

Don't wait to be asked again to move in. If they really wanted you to 3 months ago, don't they still? Tell them you feel ready now, if you DO feel ready.

Do you feel like a equal to them? Or just a pet?

Do a tag search here on "unicorn," "secondary," "triad" and see how others handle feelings about being in a group of 3. It isn't easy being the "third" a couple has "added" to their relationship to "share." No wonder you feel insecure. Time to set some boundaries for your own safety and self empowerment. Keep on top of what they imagine your role will be with their child. Decide what YOU want your role to be.

Infants are very needy. All your lives will be in service to the needs of this tiny person. There will be major changes and nothing will ever be the same again. Same goes for you, if you get pregnant. I think it's kind of cold your couple wants you to get a sperm donor for your baby. Why not the sperm of the man you love? Why not the sperm of another male partner you might find, while still being in relationship to them? If this is a forced poly fidelitious arrangement, where your gf has more rights than you do, examine that. Does it really serve you and satisfy you?

Also, your couple are not identical units. The woman will have different ideas than the man about things. About everything. Maybe he'd like to knock you up, but she doesn't want that.

Anyway, a lot to think about!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-27-2013 at 01:42 PM.
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