Bawdysattva, I am coming to the same conclusions as you and Korindino. I need someone besides my married girlfriend to fill my life, but the number of women interested in poly in my area appears to be quite small.
Yes, it's possible for me to attract interest from monogamous women. I have a big problem with that.
These women are looking for an exclusive relationship. I am lying to them about something very important if I start dating them. They assume that finding that monogamous relationship is the mutual goal, and I know damned well that for me it's not.
Wanna start a dating relationship based on a lie? Not really.
If it's assumed by both parties that the relationship is platonic friendship or just activity partners, that's possible. And it's possible that such a friendship would eventually open doors to an intimate non-exclusive relationship. But entering the mono dating arena without acknowledging that you're not mono seems to me dishonest.
This is something I've talked about with my married friend. Despite her years of poly, when I told her I needed to date other women she felt at first that I was trying to "move on" and "turn away from her." I think she understands now that in order for my relationship with her to be sustainable long-term I have to find additional women friends.
But of course that puts me in the same dilemma as Bawdysattva. It's ironic, of course, and for me it's amusing. But I'm lucky in that I really like living alone. I can laugh because for me the need is not immediate.
Last edited by EugenePoet; 03-28-2010 at 02:04 PM.