That was a little over 6 months ago and that’s not the whole story. So let’s back up to a few months ago. Another old friend of mine, we'll call her Daisy, split up with her boyfriend shortly after my birthday. It wasn’t because of anything that happened at the party. In fact, she wasn’t even there. Unfortunately, her boyfriend had been unfaithful to her, and worse, he had been deceitful and dishonest about it.
Up until a little over a month ago I hadn’t seen Daisy since we were tweens. A time when we fancied each other very much. We had played together rather inappropriately as children from time to time. Things that would probably get CPS involved these days, but was merely a case of two kids having a crush on each other being curious. But I digress… we had talked a bit on facebook off and on since we reconnected about a year ago and I still secretly had a crush on her. I knew though, that she needed some time to heal before there was any possibility of having anything with her. So I gave her the time she needed.
Daisy finally had some time and began going on a few dates. We had mentioned meeting as friends for drinks some time to catch up over the months since she split up with her boyfriend, but never could seem to align our schedules. Finally one evening we managed to go out and catch up, as friends. Which was very nice.
A couple of weeks later I invited Daisy out again. This time to join me at a comedy show, still, just as friends. I made it very clear as a couple of my friends (friends who are in the know about my lifestyle) teased her about being out on a date with me, that I was not out on a date. That we were just old friends getting reacquainted and hanging out. After my friends left though, she suddenly made it very clear that she was interested in being more than friends. That she had an interest in picking up right where we had never quite known enough to get to as children.
It was at this moment that I decided it was time to let Daisy know about Awesome and Bunny and that before I would move any further with her I wanted to make sure she fully understood the gravity of the situation. As I explained most of the story that I have shared with you above to her, she scooched closer to me, put my hand on her thigh and kissed me on the neck and cheek. Each time I pushed back and continued explaining, not only the above, but what I believed and how I felt. Her response was that she understood and was fine with it. ‘Friends with benefits’, she said, ‘we can just have a casual relationship with no feelings', she said. It was at that point that I realized how inebriated she really was and I leaned in and spoke softly in her ear. ‘No. I can’t take away the feelings I already have for you and have had for decades.’ She turned and looked me in the eyes, clearly surprised by what I had just said. I could tell she finally got it.
In that brief moment Daisy understood; these are not women I just have a casual relationship with. They are part of my life. They know my children. I know their children. We are a family, not of the Cleaver’s kind of the 1950’s, but of the world we live in today. She sobered up in that moment, though only a little bit, and I took her home. I said good night to her, gave her a hug and kissed her good bye. I have to admit, I felt the need to help her upstairs to her bed, but I knew… I knew that I wouldn’t have the will power to tell her no again at that point. I begrudgingly left her waving to me through the glass as I walked away into the darkness. Into my life in never never land.
The next day she remembered much more than I expected she would. In her sobriety she had many questions. After she had her questions answered she told me she wanted me. She told me she knew she didn’t fully comprehend what she was getting into, and that she would have more questions, but that nevertheless she wanted to be a part of it all.
That was a month ago. In the last two and a half years that I have been feeling my way blindly into this lifestyle there is one thing I have learned most important over anything else. Honesty. I was reluctant at first to be so open and up front about things. About what I wanted, needed, and expected. In time I learned from, at first, not being so open and up front, that it is better in the end to be so. If I am honest about my lifestyle and a woman isn’t okay with it, then it’s just not meant to be.
This is my life today:
Me: Age 35. 2 baby mommas (aka. ex-wives), 3 children, ages 8, 14 and 16, and 3 wonderful women in my life.
Awesome: Age 32. Lives with me (for now). Has three 5 year old stay at work children (she’s a nanny). Chooses to be monogamous. We’ve been together a little over 2 years.
Bunny: Age 32. Has her own place with her 11 yr old daughter. Chooses to be monogamous. We’ve been together a little over 2 years with a 10 month break.’
Daisy: Age 37. Has her own place with her 18 yr old son. Chooses to be monogamous. We’ve been together about a month.
I’d like to point out that I believe they are, and treat all of them as, equals. I don’t personally prescribe to the alpha concept.
Awesome, Bunny and Daisy have all chosen to be monogamous at this point despite for their own various reasons. Not only is it my belief that what is acceptable for me is acceptable for them, but I encourage them to seek out other men to spend time with when I am unable to be there for them. To find someone who shares interests they have that I do not share. I do believe they are, in fact, monogamous because they have no reason to lie to me since I have no issue with them being with another man and have proved that to them. At least to Awesome and Bunny who have been with other men since we were first together.
Wow! This was much longer than I expected it would be when I sat down to write it. Thank you for reading this. I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed living it and writing it down to share with you.