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Old 11-27-2013, 07:35 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 664

Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
Hyperskeptic, I am really excited by this thread!
Me too. For pretty much the same reasons.

I remember not long after finding this forum, I spoke to my SO about how polyamory seems to me to be a good thing in terms of making the possibilities for relationships wider but that for me, it doesn't go far enough.

To me, anarchy is a pretty simple concept. It is nothing more than the idea that nobody needs to be in charge. People are capable of organising themselves and working together to do things without having a single person always telling them what to do and how to go about it. This is something that just seems like common sense to me.

Anyway - applying that idea to relationships, I guess that I would take it mean that the key thing with relationships is that a freedom must exist to set things up so that they work for the people involved. Through discussion, reflection and a critical look at how the relationship is going and what is wanted from it, people should be free to decide for themselves.

The way I see it, the people who choose to center their lives around a single other partner who they live with, socialize with and spend all their sleeping and non-working waking time with can fall under the heading relationship anarchists.

As can the people who are in a similar situation but split their time between more than one partner.

As can the people who want nothing to do with sex or romance and who center their lives around a group of friends and a compelling interest.

As can the people who want to have lots of sex but aren't interested in forming the sort of connections where somebody might expect them to be around every night of the week and sharing the bills.

For me, what makes it RA is some thought and discussion having gone into it and for all parties feeling like their current living condition is something that can be changed if they need or want it to. That the change might be hard and talking about it difficult to bring up but that it is possible and that those in their lives won't go out of their way to make things worse. (as far as is possible - splitting up a household and going your separate ways might be the right thing to do but it is upsetting and stressful and it's hard to do well).

Good topic indeed.

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