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Old 03-27-2010, 10:48 PM
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RickPlus RickPlus is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 50
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The joys of poly dating.
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Dating was something Red and I were not looking forward to. We are both heavy, (she more than me). She has a harder time meeting strangers than I. We are both fairly old. Also, most people are not looking for a couple.

We had decided we ideally wanted to find people who would want to play with both of us. Ah! Unicorn hunting! Well, not quite, we hoped we were more flexible than looking for just a single, unattached hot bi-babe (of either sex) with no other connections to 'complete' us.

The main concern was that we didn't want one of us feeling left out and lonely while the other had a grand old time. At least at first, we both wanted to feel wanted. (At least I was determined Red would feel wanted. It would not be an absolute deal breaker if I was left out, but it was not something I was looking for.)

I joined up to okCupid (Rick_Plus) based on good reports from this site. Red joined up a few days later (Red_Plus).

I found a couple that were both bi-sexual I thought we would like and started up an online conversation with them. Red mostly got spam and scams but there were a couple guys who wanted to just connect with her. I also sent out a number of other, 'we are interested', messages but not much resulted.

This bi-couple didn't want to meet us at our home, they wanted the first meeting to be in a public place. Fine with us. He said, "How about at a meet and great with our local swingers club. We had tried out poly, but found that we preferred swinging. You guys should join ITL (Into the Lifestyle), our swinging website / club."

Swingers? Red and I didn't want anonymous sex with strangers. Time to slow down and think things out.
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It boiled down to that we were looking for close friends we could have sex with. There are a couple ways we could come at this. We could take existing friends and eventually add a sexual component. This is what we though C1 and C2 wanted. None of other other friends were at all likely to have this happen. We could try to find someone who was into long term dating us as a couple and see what happens. We could find someone who wanted to have casual sex and see if it developed into something deeper. Or we could put this adventure on the back burner and see if we eventually lucked into something.

We had been on the dating site and we had not been buried with people looking for couples.

I was cool with starting with casual sex and see if a friendship developed. I've had nothing but good experiences from casual sex - usually the one night stand turned into a nice relationship. (This is close to how Red and I met but we didn't have sex until the _second_ date.) Red was more ambivalent about casual sex. She had had some good experiences and some crummy ones.

As we talked over these things; again and again I was impressed with Red's courage. I was seeing a new side of her. I had been expecting to have to go slow to give her time. But she was not holding back. Having decided to do this, she DID it.
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I talked to the bi-couple about swinging / poly. (Let's call the fellow Jack and his wife Jill.) He explained that their swinger's group was a small group of friends who mostly swung with each other. Occasionally they swung with strangers, and occasionally they got together for non-sexual things like a barbecue or something. But mainly they were a group of intimate friends / friends with benefits / fuck buddies. A few were close friends.

Again we see the fuzzy line between swinging and poly. (A post for another day.)

Well... Friends with benefits was not far from what we were looking for... Their group of friends who swung with each other sounded a lot like that loose poly - tribe we visited in Seattle...

With some misgivings, Red and I signed up on their swinger site (P_and_R) and planned to go to their meet and greet.

Last edited by RickPlus; 03-28-2010 at 12:13 AM.
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