Not sure where to put this, so thought I might put it here. A bit more of a background on me.
I'm 30, and for 13 years have identified myself as a lesbian. I'm also coming out of an 11 year relationship that has not been good for a very long time, and I have finally got up the nerve to decide what's best for ME, instead of doing what was easy and just co-existing with my ex-wife. And damn that legalized gay marriage in Ontario has come back to bite me on the ass!
Anyways, for 11 1/2 years I've been with the same woman. Basically emotionally abusive the entire time. Well, maybe just for a decade. She was/is unstable, in fact her whole family is. Recently she'd become physically abusive as well. That is when I finally put my foot down and decided to finally end the relationship. Right now we are in the midst of packing and sorting up our home and going our separate ways.
Now to back up a little bit, I met Sunshinegrl on message board about 4 years ago. After talking for a while, we quickly grew close and after a while, I started talking with her husband, Aussiebloke as well. I should let them tell their side of this, but from my point of view, I was already in love with Sunshinegrl and starting to fall for Aussiebloke (which was something new to me too) when things got a bit confusing. The whole, loving more than one person at a time (by this point, I'd already emotionally left my wife). That's when Sunshinegrl called it off. (I will have to let them tell you what was happening there, if they so choose)
For nearly 3 years, we lost contact. I was always loving them, missing them, wondering what they were doing. They had another child during that time, and I so very much regret not being able to be a part of the pregnancy and beginning of this little mans life. I was lonely, in my own world... missing a part of myself. Existing basically.
Then, this past January, my ex decided to start talking to Sunshine again. I knew what would happen. I knew we would pick right back up where we left off. The old feelings, 3 years later, were still there, stronger than ever.
All I can say is the relief of having them back in my life was so strong. I felt complete again. This time, we decided that we were going out to meet them. 4 months later, we had bought tickets to Australia. Originally, we were intending on a quad, but, my ex exhibited some very bad behaviour while we were there. Anyway, after travelling for nearly 2 days (27 hours flying, with 4 flights and layovers in between, also missing a flight by about 15 mintues) and delaying us by 5 hours. Killing me... I had waited so long to be with them and the damn airlines delayed me even more *shaking fist in the air* DAMN YOU QUANTAS!
Anyways, god, finally seeing them... was so wonderful. There were stairs, I saw Sunshine standing at the bottom of them, Aussiebloke was waiting to the side, cool guy he is... there was an escalator as well... I thought, "screw the escalator" And ran down the stairs into her arms
hmmm , sorry, lost in a memory. then here comes Aussiebloke and I got a great big strong hug from him as well. *sigh* Anyways... I knew it right there... it was going to be the three of us... It was amazing just to be in their presence. I was HOME... finally. We acted as a quad for a little bit, but after my ex started acting up (childish term but was a correct discription) and Aussiebloke's feelings changed for her (don't blame him a bit) and Sunshine's changed too... so that left the three of us. Was quite difficult for a while. I wanted to show affection to both, was getting the evil eye from my ex, especially with Aussiebloke.
I was bad, or, we were, but I snuck out a few nights...to be with them. It was perfect. We all fit together so well, nothing was aqward, just felt natural. Normal.
So that's when plan B came into effect. Originally my ex was going there to look for a job so we could move there. New plan, there's a work exchange program I'll be doing so I can be there a year to two years until we figure out something more permanant.
We were there for three weeks. Falling more and more in love with both of them. I was adapt to loving two people at once and it was just right. When the three of us had time alone, sparce as it was, it was just... right.
It was there that I told my ex we were finished. I had already decided, about a week before I told her... but she put her hands on me a second time and that was it. I was planning on coasting until we got home, but I wasn't willing to do it anymore. I knew what I wanted, what I needed, WHERE I was wanted and needed. I knew my home. I'd always felt like Australia was the place for me, even as a child. And it just so happened I fell in love with these two wonderful people who happend to live there.
Anyways, it broke my heart when I had to leave. God that ranked up there with a few of the worst days of my life.... I had to say goodbye then travel for 2 days with someone I'd just ended an 11 year relationship with. It's been now just over three weeks since I left. Each day seems a month, each week a year with out them near me. Online and the phone are just not good enough. I miss them both so much. I miss the kids. I'm biding my time right now, waiting to get enough money to enroll in this work program. My goal is by the end of september to be there. Be home.
Ok, I feel like I've rambled on enough, although I know there's more to say. Sunshine, Aussiebloke, feel free to comment or add anything you like. I love you both with all my heart and can't wait to be home with my family.