View Single Post
  #44  
Old 11-25-2013, 03:22 PM
Piroska's Avatar
Piroska Piroska is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
This is really all quite straight forward. He simply thinks that she snoopy. She doesnt ask questions, she does Google searches. Now, he is hypersensitive to her snooping and finds it intrusive and somewhat dishonest. It isn't the fact that he doesn't want pictures of his kids on the Internet, he just doesn't want his girlfriend to go online searching for them. It's weird. Why not just ask?
Putting aside that I thought I did ask previously if he had other social media profiles (he contends that I didn't, I'm not sure) I don't find someone doing a google search on someone intrusive or dishonest. I thank you for pointing it out; because you're helping me understand his perspective. He DOES see it is a intrusive and dishonest and weird.

I don't understand how I was completely at fault for stumbling on the photos his ex posted. (and you agreed with me there)
Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
I think the last thing you did was totally innocent and not you snooping.
I did ask; I do ask, and since the gray area was clarified from the okcupid profile debacle, I have been very careful to NOT go looking. I am trying not to be snoopy. It's not that I don't want to ask; I want very much to be very close to him and know all about him, so I do ask him questions all the time.

I also contend that in the beginning of the relationship, considering that he was someone I met off of fetlife (ie social media, with no in-person friends in common), that I was in the right to want to protect myself by getting as much information about him as possible. He did know at the time that I was doing those searches; he has since refused to give me certain bits of information for the very reason that he did not want me tempted to search for more detail in specific areas of his life.

As of now? He considers me as having impinged on a dealbreaker, so yes, it is that important to him. I accept it, I'm willing to work inside his boundaries, I would like to move forward. But he got exasperated that I can't obey every single thing he orders instantly, perfectly.

A lot of the boundaries and rules he has have to do with past pain. I spent some time talking to a friend in the lifestyle; she doesn't know his full history, just a very brief outline. Her take was that he was over-reacting due to past pain/betrayal, and that if I wanted to stay I needed to give him a lot of space to work through it and come to where he can see I'm not the same as some of his exes, or other family members, who really did a number on him.

I had been spending a lot of energy thinking his reaction was not fair, and disproportionate, but she made me think that maybe it is disproportionate, but maybe there's a reason for it. She did emphasize that I need to make sure I'm not putting myself in a place where I could get harmed, like Gala Girl pointed out; but that maybe I could be a little more understanding about his perspective too.
__________________
current relationships:
Guy - Dom/husband
Minx - sort of dating
Cru - (no longer dating)
Lee - Guy's girlfriend
Reply With Quote