Originally Posted by Spock
Maybe I have an oversubscribed life; married with two kids under 8 and in school. We barely have time for each other after work, homework, and family time, sometimes.
Is it that the poly with kids actually share the kids and so the parents can take a break in order to strengthen their relationship? Not quite poly, but I have a sister in law who helps to watch the kids several times a month just so wife and I can have date nights, which makes it even harder to find time for other people, as well. My wife has considered a 'work-boyfriend' a possibility because then she would have an excuse to spend time with someone without losing time for the kids and me.
Me, I don't have a clue how I'll find time for anyone at all. How do you guys and girls manage?
Try scheduling and managing life with only one vehicle, complicated but it does work out. Husband and I started out that he gets 2 days with another and I get 2 days. Due to my not having another husband has been requesting extra time with girlfriend. I've said go for it but I now realize my 2 days, should stay mine whether I have a date or not. This way I don't get tied down at home all the time.
What helps for us is husband's weekends are Tues & Wed, mine are Sat & Sun. Both of us are at work before 8 am, work straight through, lunch at the end of the day so we're off work early.
As far as the kids, the teen takes up a lot of our early evening hours with soccer practice but another parent has offered to take her a few times as we always help out with her kid (that was an awesome offer without having to ask for it). But if our date is set for the evening we don't usually leave until after 7 or later. Yes that means we may not get much sleep that night but we find being with our others is well worth that loss.
Our oldest is 13 years older than the youngest and one in the middle. The age differences actually help us to have lives outside the family. Ideally we'd like to be family-oriented with other loved ones. We've told the oldest that we are poly because of this. So far so good.
If you meet someone and you want to spend time with them, you'll figure it out. We all do. Time management is hard but can be done. Now the husband works days rather than nights, he is getting more time with the kids, more time with me and now actually has time to date. Prior to Sept I had been a sahm for 8 months. I had too much time on my hands but was never able to really meet someone because husband worked nights (the one car issue). I guess when it was complicated and not much availability when we started has made now seem easier for us to figure out scheduling.
I could see an issue with time with others if your other is mono and not seeing anyone else. Then they could feel left out due to your obligations. A friend told me the other day, he's seeing a mono lady, next time if I date a single woman she must be poly. I think he feels that a poly person has more empathy to availability than one who isn't, in that time management doesn't become such a burden and others don't feel lost being alone.
the muse (me) - 40's pansexual, female, poly, married 18 years, open & looking
bassman (was DH) - 40's male (blueeyeddevil), poly, father of our 3 children, my husband
wild orchid (was MG) - Bassman's girlfriend, 40's bi-female, poly & married
the hunter (was SG) - Wild Orchid's poly husband has a mono girlfriend