You should take a look for Marcus' posts, since he definitely believes in the anarchy model.
I don't have strong feelings about it myself. I think both RA and poly provide a strong impetus to examine what your assumptions are about relationships, and evaluate how valid or useful they are. I like your overall approach of allowing relationships freedom to develop in whatever direction seems to work (and BTW I love your descriptions of how that's worked out with Metis). I can be a bit irked by RA when it seems rather dogmatically anti-dogmatic, but see the appeal as long as it stays mellow and flexible.
I agree that anarchy is a bit of a loaded term, but I think queer is moreso, so I prefer the former. Still, I wouldn't take a "storm the barricades" approach. The key is that you have freedom in your relationships, but you also allow it to others, so you can't throw bombs into their traditional structures just because you don't want one.