Idealist Poly Blog part 2
As that lifestyle began to lose interest for me I considered a lesbian lifestyle and started seeing a woman I met at a party. She moved in with me right away and we lived together for about a year. She had emotional issues which was confusing for me, so in an effort to understand some things about her and my feelings, I found a therapist and started seeing her weekly. Therapy was amazing and to this day I am so glad that I stuck with it. (I saw the same therapist off and on for almost 15 years and if an issue came up today that I needed help with, I would call her). So, after a few years of therapy, I started going to AA. The Twelve Steps helped me start becoming more conscious of who I am and why I made the choices I had made up to that point.
This process opened me up to the desire for my first serious monogamous relationship. At the age of 30, I met Pattie and we became involved. After dating for 1 year, we moved in together and eventually purchased a home together. We were together for 12 years. We were monogamous and only once did I have a thought or desire for sex outside of the relationship. I was open with her about it, I resisted the urge and it passed. This was an emotionally healthy relationship since we were both in recovery and were able to practice great honesty.
My years of therapy and honesty with myself, however, resulted in my leaving her so that I could pursue a heterosexual lifestyle. It took me two years to get through the grief process. I felt a lot of guilt for hurting her.
That was 10 years ago and in these last ten years, I have had 7 monogamous relationships with men.
Last edited by idealist; 05-19-2010 at 02:52 AM.