Thread: Help Please!
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:00 PM
holm holm is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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So....just got back from the counselor. She said it seemed like I was doing the right things. Told me that I need to have friends outside the marriage, even though I don't think I do. I think her point was that it isn't fair to my wife to make her responsible for 100% of my emotional needs. Ok....I get it....I am driving her nuts since this all started...

She also told me that they need to be male friends because she thinks I would think that a friendship with any female would be cheating. I argued with her on that a little bit because I said I do have female friends at work. She asked if I would ever go to lunch with them or have drinks. I said yes, we do that actually. She asked what we talked about and I said "work." Hmmm...she's right, I never talk about anything other than work with them. A lot of times it's gossipy, emotional stuff, but it's always work related. I've got to think that through. I don't think I'm comfortable with that part of myself if it is true (growth opportunity). I certainly wouldn't talk about my relationship problems with someone of the opposite sex...that may be a good boundary that I can live with. Certainly needs to be discussed in marriage counseling with my wife. I could tell she didn't like it when I told her what the counselor said (I share everything I talk about with the counselor with my wife). I'll have to figure out how to explain how I feel about this after I come to grips with it myself.

The counselor said I need to work on communicating (no surprise). I need to use 25 words to say what I normally say in 5. I need to stop telling my wife how I think she feels and start asking her. I didn't bring up my poly "theory" with the counselor really but she answered the question without me really bringing it up. She said that my wife is probably on a moment of reflection in her life. Has a one year old, became a stay at home mom, etc...and she is on her own journey to reevaluate her life. She said part of that journey involves me but some of her internal reflections were just for her. She said you can't not ask the question just because you're afraid of the answer.....
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