Insecurities over the idea of a veto for lack of a better word indicate to me that there is a feeling of less self worth or alternately a bloated sense of it.
The big thing for me is recognizing that it's ok for a person to not want to become involved with a situation where "veto" power is held. But it is equally ok for someone to be ok with it. It's judging the relationship criteria of others that is the real problem. They will find what they need and that won't be the same for others.
I'm a die hard secondary in my relationship. I am proud of the supportive role I have. I am also completely dedicated to the health of the primary relationship and core family above my own needs. This is because I have had that already and recognize the importance of it. I accept the veto power of either primary partner because I trust and respect their ability to recognize a constructive situation as well as a destructive situation. If I had to leave it would be for a good reason. So the onus becomes less one sided on the primary partners to pick good partners and more shared with the secondary to pick appropriate partners. Secondaries need to own up to their responsibility in some cases and stop pointing fingers perhaps.
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes
Poly Events All Over
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 03-26-2010 at 03:53 PM.