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Old 03-26-2010, 03:20 PM
thunkybunny thunkybunny is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 44

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Very true in some cases...but a wisely chosen sheep to add to the herd can also quickly turn into a wolf. This isn't poly exclusive, it happens in all relationships. Look at the person who marries the love of their dreams who after the ceremony becomes a controlling abusive spouse. The abuser's act is so complete that even the sharpest of people can be fooled from time to time and often it takes outside eyes to see what is happening...I.E. family members.

Restraining orders are a form of veto and serve the purpose to protect. Do we blame the person who needs protection for not "chosing better"? Are they the perpetrator of putting themselves into that situation or a victim?
This is where a realistic perspective comes in handy. The likelihood of having a long-term relationship with a psychopath is extremely rare for two reasons. Psychopaths are rare, and psychopaths lack the commitment necessary for long-term relationships. Instead of a veto, a more surgical device would be a set of gas-and-break pedals. Vetos result in absolutest, black-or-white, thinking whereas a device for moderating the speed of a relationship allows for a wider range of possibilities. In practical terms, that can be something as mundane as scheduling. For example, one can 'date' an established partner twice a week while seeing the new partner once a week. Scheduling requires commitment and is a much more useful device for moderating relationships than a veto.

This brings us back to the topic of motivations. If the motivation is to moderate, then a veto is still too clumsy. A simple calender would serve the purpose better than a veto.

Last edited by thunkybunny; 03-26-2010 at 03:34 PM.
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