My ex h and I attempted poly back in 1999-2000 when our kids were only 10, 13 and 15. I was a homeschooling mom and the ex worked full time and had a long commute. When we decided to open our relationship (as Unicorn Hunters, I am not proud to say), the woman we found lived in Montreal, a 6 hour drive from our state.
We met her through a shared hobby. But that drive was killer. It ended up taking him away from our home and kids twice a month for 3 day weekends. It was also expensive, the gas, plus the wining and dining and other things he wanted to pay for, for her. I grew resentful of being left behind with 3 kids, a dog, 5 cats, and all the home maintenance work he was "unable" to do.
I had "permission" to see others, but, like GalaGirl, I just didn't feel motivated, since my kids and their schooling, hobbies and sports, etc., took up most of my time. I had other hobbies I wanted to pursue for my own benefit, which were more compelling than trying to cruise for lovers. Back then the internet was in its infancy and I wasn't about to troll Craigslist.
So, I didn't fully go for poly until my ex and I split in 2008. By then the kids were basically independent, and I was only working parttime. Of course, I was at that point, 54 years old. But I don't regret waiting to practice polyamory until my kids needed me less. When I do something, I am all in. I was a fulltime mom, now I am 5 years into a relationship with a woman and 2 years into a relationship with a guy.
As for my ex? He kept in touch with that gf he got in 1999 (even though I "vetoed" her) and 6 mos after he and I split, she moved in with him. They aren't poly though.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, poly, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 37