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Old 11-22-2013, 04:48 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,275

More patient maybe. More thinking it all the way out and less going on impulse thoughts -- definitely seems to be in order here.

Originally Posted by Galagirl
If so... That wouldn't serve you well -- why agree to things that don't serve you well?
Because it's a lot easier if things are my fault? I know it goes way off topic, but I've never figured out how things are "supposed" to work when the D type is the one that needs reprimanded.

A domme only exists at the consent of the sub.

If you have entered into D/s agreements with him
  • without thinking things out all the way for yourself
  • without listing what your dealbreakers are
  • without coming to agreement on how to call the domme into account when needed without it messing up your scene (if you scene) or your arrangements (if this is a 24/7 deal)

...then you seem to have given power over you willy nilly to someone without you looking out for your own best interests. You could expect more from you. There could be other things you neglected to cover also.

Which comes back to the original question... why do you agree to things that don't serve you well?

What could you do differently to better look out for your long term well being? (NOT the relationship at your expense.)

Having realized you skipped a crucial bit?
  • You could revise your D/s agreements with him to include how to call him into account NOW. Have some boundaries of your own.

The shared agreement is "he will respect your boundaries and you will respect his boundaries."

This is a SHARED agreement, not a just for YOU deal. You know that right? Because a domme only exists at the consent of the sub.

I want so badly to believe that everything he's telling me is absolutely true, but the spikes of fury over something that it seems like anyone at all could see - public OKCupid profile? publicly shared photos of his kid? etc... plus some other pieces of info he's withheld on purpose... just bothers the hell out of me. I cannot for the life of me figure out if I'm overreacting (it wouldn't be the first time) or if these are really warning signs.
How about "when in doubt, err on the side of caution and safety for my own continued well being?"

Sigh. I mean this kindly ok?

But you could get into bigger trouble here than looking at some pix oneline! You lack self-discpline and seem impulsive and get yourself into things. He seems to lack self-discipline and gets more emotional than this picture hooha seem to merit. All he would need to do is just adjust his own privacy settings online... yet he won't.

I wonder if he's the "You can't tell me what to do!" type? That makes him a stellar domme HOW?

At best? He's a sloppy domme and mad that he's not as cool at it as he thought.

At worst? You are in the hands of a sloppy domme and you CAN'T know he won't hurt you intentionally or thoughtlessly. He's sloppy, he loses his temper over minor shit and rails at ya at too high a volume.

You really want some of that served up when you are in a vulnerable state and he looses his cool? Ack. He can't handle his temper over pix he could block access to, but you are going to believe he can handle himself in topspace?

Please tread very carefully here. Could not scene or continue any 24/7 arrangement until you get clear on your boundaries and determine if this is a player you can be safe playing with.

You may WANT to play with him emotionally, but what does your health and well being need to be safe?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-22-2013 at 05:14 AM.
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