Originally Posted by bofish
I hope you find your way to love and clarity.
My advice, if you are seeking advice here:
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE TIME YOU PROBABLY SHOULD BE DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES.
I had post-partum depression until my son was nearly three. I was nearly hospitalizated. The cures were medication, going back to work, therapy, and time.
I could be wrong!!! I don't know what state your wife is in. Again, might be wrong.
But after the birth of my child, I felt wholly terror. I could barely function. It would be absolutely the worst time in my life to discuss being poly or opening up or even dealing with my sexuality (I have sexual issues too). I had NO strength and spent every day trying to survive emotionally.
And you and your wife have a tons of other kids to wrestle with?
Does she work out of the home? If not, she may also feel isolated. I don't know you, and I''m just trying to send you some empathy. But if your wife is emotionally tender or has post-partum - this would, in my opinion, be the worse time to decide anything! Moving. Being poly. Anything. What's the rush?
Why not let her heal and get the kids to age a little? Now, my son is 11 and it's a heck of a lot easier to focus on my relationship and what I want. I think you are asking way, way too much of your wife at this point in her life!
She is the one that suggested being poly, and that I look for a lover after we hadn't been intimate in a year. That included any sexual touch. She has come down on her medications to the lowest in many years, and part of her getting back her libido is that her anxiety and depression meds are well known to decrease libido. I am fine with us being monogamous, but she is suggesting to me she identifies as poly. Mostly after feeling a light went off when she read Opening Up.
So my immediate fun I had with our friend was originally supposed to relieve her feelings of being needed as my sexual partner while she worked on her stuff. Then it got her reading about polyamory and now feels it is something she now wants to explore for her.