Thanks. She and I had a talk today and basically she isn't willing to share. She didn't admit it, but she basically said I can't be alone with him for more than an afternoon if I go to California and if he comes here, she's coming and again, no time alone.
I love what you said about possession vs. desire to be together. I'm sad but I respect her choice and I doubt that he will rock the boat. They clearly are not poly.