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Old 11-21-2013, 08:42 PM
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Garriguette Garriguette is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: California
Posts: 63

I'm a grad student in her mid 30s. Xicot, a computer programmer in his mid 30s, and I have been friends since our late teens, have dated for the last nine years, and live together.

Xicot realized a couple of months ago that he was having non-fleeting romantic and sexual feelings for a woman he had stayed in contact with after meeting at a conference and asked how I felt about the possibility of him pursuing another partner. (Cue four days of freaking out on my part, followed by me settling down, apologizing for the freak-out, and asking, "Well, what next?")

The prospective new partner didn't reciprocate Xicot's feelings, but we're both trying to do our poly homework anyway. He's already made himself vulnerable by sharing new information about himself, and I've already identified what some of my insecurities are. Working through those insecurities now seems like the decent thing to do.

Xicot has been with me as a friend and/or lover through a vast amount of personal growth (coming out as bi, realizing that my parents' marriage is strong on commitment but not strong on happiness, dealing with the stressors of graduate school, seeking treatment for depression and anxiety). And I want to be supportive as he discovers more about what he wants and needs, too.

Though I'm bisexual, I'm monoamorously inclined. I do not think a poly-mono relationship with Xicot would be a deal-breaker for me. That said, I am not already as self-reliant as a number of the monos who post regularly here (nor as tuned into my own wants and needs). I'm working on that.
Mid 30s, mono.
Partnered with Xicot (poly-curious) since 2004.
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