Originally Posted by Dagferi
By declaring your uncomfortable with her being with another man.. Yes you are placing restrictions on your wife. You may not be saying you can't see other men but the statement will have an effect on her. It will be in the back of her mind. Honestly it's a bit of a guilt trip.
Why is it the womanís responsibility to face culturally-programmed insecurities and not the manís?
Honestly if your marriage has these intimacy and you have these insecurity issues you two really should not be seeking or seeing anyone outside of the marriage until you fix it. Poly is like putting up a shoddy damn. Yeah it will hold back the flood for a little bit but the little cracks get larger until the dam breaks
By declaring I'm uncomfortable with her being with another man, I am being honest with my feelings. Not declaring it (leaving it inside) is a far bigger mistake to make. That makes for far more issues in a marriage when you don't share what you need to work on. She has insecurities with me and other people too and we develop guidelines to help her feel comfortable.