Originally Posted by Vicarious
Not sure why you have an issue? Don't people come here all the time to sort out their feelings?.
Don't take it personally, some people have a hateon for that type of configuration. Opp, closed triad etc. All a viable side of polyamory and usually a confortable starting point.
I went through 2 phases of rethinking poly. Both involved a lot of
Am I cut out for this
do I want it
now that I am here, how do I feel about my wife doing it
can I handle her being with other men
I also went through some unrequited love questions.. my first "poly" partner was a fuck friend unicorn I fell in love with. She just liked the sex.. haha
I think its a common ebb and flow and a learning process. If you have loved more than one, you are poly (poly is really that simple). Now its just progressing and figuring out what you can handle for your relationships and relationship structures.
You can control you.. not her. So.. if she finds love with another man, and you don't like it. You gotta learn to deal, or walk.. trying to force her to "feel" will cause long term problems. (I know you didn't ask that specifically, its just unrequested advice)
So I don't have a solid answer, beyond don't limit yourself and expect anything. For the record eventually I figured it all out for myself. My journey was hard at times, but worth every part of introspection. It also involved a lot of discussion with my wife, figuring out what we wanted as a couple, what we wanted individually and in the end, none of what we wanted happened... expectations eventually changed and evolved.
Good luck, the emotional roller coaster sucks but coming out the other side is a great experience.. (although the roller coast never really stops)