Being an afterthought.
Okay, I know I'm menstrual and I'm stressed from having been at work 8 days back to back. But I'm seriously upset right now.
Alex has been out of town for two weeks, and he just got back last night. I didn't get to see him the night before he left because Jenny wanted him all to herself, and when he came home he went right into spending the evening with her. I know that's the primary relationship, and I respect that. But when Jenny tells me how she loves her space when Alex is out of town, and when she says she doesn't love him as much as he loves her, it hurts me that she keeps me from spending time with him, when these last few weeks have been so rough on me and all I want is to see the man I love.
On top of that, I asked Alex last night when I talked to him, when I would see him today. He refused to give me a time. I told him to give me a time frame. He gave me a window of three hours during which he may or may not call me, and then we'd make plans.
That window ended two hours ago and I haven't heard a peep from him. I know he's not with Jenny, because she has work tonight. And after being told on the phone every other night how much he missed me, it feels like shit being strung on like this.
I feel so tertiary. I feel like an afterthought, like a booty call. We never make plans. He calls me up and asks me to come over, and when I do all he wants is for me to provide free labor for his business and then fuck him. He hasn't taken me out anywhere or made plans to do anything else with me in the month we've been seeing each other.
I know that sex is the ultimate expression for love in Alex's eyes. I know that when we have sex, he's trying to show me how much he cares. however, this view seems incredibly juvenile to me, and he is completely oblivious to the fact that being loved happens outside the bedroom, too.
All I asked for was a time-frame. And he couldn't even drop me a line sometime during those three hours to let me know he was busy and wouldn't see me until later. I'm keeping my life on hold so I'm ready to see him when he calls me. And it pisses me off that this is what I have to do, just so I can spend time with my boyfriend.
I'm so incredibly hurt, upset, and angry right now and I want to cry and scream. I don't know what to do. I'm just tired of being a fucking afterthought.