Originally Posted by london
I would look at why you are not threatened by women, I mean, realistically, all the things you fear about her seeing men are true of women. She might just prefer sex and intimacy with women. You could talk to her and ask her if she will stop seeing men, but for lots of people, polyamory is about having the freedom to love whoever you want so it might not work for her.
As for you, you don't have to date other people. Just let her if she wants.
Yes, I know she could end up preferring women to men, but we have been together for years and I'm pretty certain that she'll still like sex with men(and most importantly me). To me it is more like the description of apples to apples versus apples to oranges. As I'm not a woman, whatever she gets from sexual intimacy with a woman will be different, and I'd have a hard time trying to compare.
It just brings forward emotions that are different, and not positive. I feel happy for her to explore with women (inside or outside our bedroom), and we have had a threesome with a female friend that we enjoyed. Same for couples. I'd feel included. But with men, it feels icky for me. In my gut. Perhaps I'm just insecure that I can be her primary sexual partner that satisfies her and other sexual connections could complement our relationship like my current lover has done...I don't feel confident that I can be the best support for her. It would be better for me to just ignore my knotted up stomach and say I'm fine with her sleeping with other men. But then I'm not being honest and when the time comes, I don't know how I can handle it.
It feels immature to say I want my precious jewel all to myself. She's fantastic, and I love her so much. This is very hard to let go...