Originally Posted by WhatToDo
Your conversation with your boyfriend sounds a lot like the things I feel in regards to my relationship. I'm in a relationship with a married women and I knew the situation going in. Problem is that I'm having a hard time not only "sharing" her with her husband but also feeling like I can maintain feelings for my wife as well as my girlfriend. Maybe Poly isn't for me but I'm in love with my girlfriend so there is really no going back now.
I don't know. My boyfriend is mono. He really likes my husband and always says he is the nicest man. He does not mind to share me the situations being what it is, it is more that he feels that I have obligations towards my husband and is afraid he is sort of interfering in that respect. I think I explained to him that it is almost the opposite! I also told him I am not looking for any more people (I imagine he has worried about this). He has been very brave and open so far, and now he is learning even more.
My husband have some of the problems you are describing; loosing focus on one person when you are with another. He can get quite full of NRE shit! We have had some issues with that in that past. I have told him he has to maintain a relationship with me regardless. The problem is really that he is so full of feelings. But if he enters a relationship I guess he will have to cope..
I really don't feel any of that, of course I have to make adjustments with time and such to cater to both relationships (and my alone time, and gym, and friends...) but I don't have any problems "carriying my feelings" for the both of them. My husband always ask: "Is it not hard?" but it really is not; I feel so furfilled having them both in my life. Of course I think a little more of my boyfriend these days but I too see my husband for the wonderful man that he is.