Things seem to go quite nicely for rory and Lily. I continue being happy for them. The thing is, it's very easy being ok with what she does, because whenever rory has something new in her life, a person, a hobby, anything, she always makes time for me regardless. That makes me feel really safe and loved. I feel like I can trust her and I genuinely believe she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. We've been seeing each other twice a week for pretty much the whole time we've lived in the same city, even though both of our situations have varied a lot.
Hank and Janet is a bit different. Of course I'm also happy for Hank that he's dating someone he likes and he seems happy. But the thing is, ever since they started dating there's been a few situations where he has chosen her over me and that stings. The last time was actually pretty recently. Because of his intense work/course schedule we had set aside a time to spend together on a Saturday - or that's what I thought. On Thursday he informs me that he's seeing Janet on Saturday. I said I thought we had plans then. He said he hadn't realised (and didn't check Google calendar, it was marked there). Even so, he still wanted to see her. She doesn't live in our city and happened to be visiting just then. So screw our plans, Janet's in town! I'm still not totally over that, especially since that's not the only time something like this has happened. Hank tried to organise another time that weekend when we could see each other but there really weren't any good options. I had plans with friends on Friday that I had agreed to a long time ago, so didn't want to cancel that. Me and Hank were supposed to see each other briefly after his course and before me meeting my friends, which was about 45 minutes. During that time I started talking about how hurt I was when he canceled our plans on Saturday when there really wasn't another time that could be moved to. He suggested we could still hang out a bit after I come home on that Friday evening, but that's really not the same since I was planning on staying out quite late. Well, I then decided I would leave earlier just to spend some time with him in the evening. But then the conversation got so emotional and I became so sad that I didn't want to go anymore. I was not in the mood to have fun. So I messaged my friends (it was a large group, so I wasn't abandoning a single friend) to say I won't be able to make it after all. We went home, I cried a lot and then we had the biggest fight we've ever had. We yelled at each other, which is something neither of us do normally. And that was the first time we've ever done that to each other. It was horrible. I guess we both felt misunderstood by the other one and became more and more frustrated. But then we took a bath together and calmed down. We talked about it more calmly and eventually managed to go to bed not angry. Even though that has been resolved and I've forgiven him, I'm still feeling a bit insecure. And that directly influences how I feel about Hank and Janet dating. I'm not restricting them in any way, Hank is free to make his own choices regarding this, but I know it's going to take some time before I can feel compersion again.
I've been on two dates with Maxine so far. It has been really nice.
I'm still a bit unsure about what I want with her and I don't have very strong feelings yet, but it's only been two dates so I guess that's normal. We have a third date set up already and I am looking forward to it. I bumped into her yesterday and it felt really nice to see her like that, unexpectedly. I like spending time with her, but time will tell whether it will grow into anything more.
Then I finally met up with Evan the other day. We've been trying to make that happen for a while now, but something has always come up. So it's been almost four months since we broke up and this was the first time we've seen each other one-on-one after that. We've seen each other a few times at parties because we have a lot of mutual friends. It was really really nice to see him.. almost too nice. He's so much fun to hang out with and still oh so attractive to me. He brought up that he thinks it wouldn't be a good idea at the moment to start sleeping together as friends. He's had some relationship drama lately and he doesn't want to start overthinking what it would mean if we started doing that. That's probably wise. I told him that I'm open to pretty much anything happening between us in the future and that being platonic friends is also a good thing. He said he appreciates that and just wants to be quite cautious right now. I think we were both kinda surprised how nice it was to hang out again and when he left we hugged for quite a long time. It felt really warm. When I was home alone, I just had to cry. Before seeing him I was so sure I was over him. Well, I guess it's easier to be over someone if you don't really even see them. But now I have to admit that the feeling is still there. Maybe not as strong as before, but it's definitely there. I hope it gets easier with time because I do want to hang out with him again.