Thread: Help Please!
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Old 03-25-2010, 09:02 PM
holm holm is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 7

Thanks again for the support. I know I'm just grasping at straws a little bit here....

Finally, You mentioned that your counselor made reference to "it was me and my not meeting her needs". You either need to find another counselor or listen more carefully to what they say. Unless you said that you were clearly not providing a need (I don't hold her, I don't kiss her, I don't tell her I love you) it sounds like they already chose a side (wrong for them to do) or you didn't listen to what they were saying.
Good point about the counselor, but the context was more like she told me stop obsessing cause it didn't help at all and was just driving my wife to the other guy at this point. I just needed to focus on what I could actually control, which is my actions. I can't control what my wife feels or the other guy, it breaks my heart of course, but I know you can't help how you feel. The counselor told me to basically to back off the conversations with my wife but she said that the marriage counselor we will be seeing together does need to know about all of it (as well as the snooping) or that person won't be able to help us fully.

I get the feeling my wife wants to just forget any of this happened, but like you all said, that's not a good idea. This is a great opportunity for our relationship to grow....

Honestly I had never thought about poly (or even knew about it) before this. It just seems like something that isn't for me and I think that's all there is to it. I'm an extreme introvert and honestly don't need ANY friends other than my wife (hmmm...says the guy who's talking to strangers about his problems). She DOES need friends. I need to figure out how to be a part of that part of her life while still giving her space or if we make it through this crisis it will probably just happen again...
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